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blood when shitting Bernd 08/15/2018 (Wed) 23:12:44 [Preview] No. 18505
Sometimes after i take a shit and im wiping theres blood on the toilet paper. Today was more than usual.

Figured bernd could tell me more about this?

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 00:23:03 [Preview] No.18506 del
Eh, probably just means your ass is a little itchier, just wipe more and it'll go away.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 04:05:40 [Preview] No.18511 del
>live in the land of NHS
>ask Bernd about blood in your shit

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 05:47:18 [Preview] No.18512 del
If you don't have blood in your stool just when you wipe you probably wiped too hard and/or too many. My advice is don't use sandpaper but a softer TP on the long run, for now wipe lightly and wash your ass until it heals. You could try squatting when you take a shit you need some kind of a stand or something to do it at your toilet, supposedly shitting is easier when squatting and make less of a mess at your anus, so less wiping is needed. You might also try applying after shave balm to your irritated skin, if it's good for your face after you scraped it with a sharp metallic object it can't harm your ass, it has some antiseptic properties (you have a bleeding wound on your shit covered hole) but supposedly won't burn your anus. Also bidet.
If you have blood in your stool, that's another topic.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 05:52:32 [Preview] No.18514 del
you can kind of mimic the squatting position on the toilet and in my experience it eases the shit out better and definitely makes less of a mess. I also second the opinion that you may be wiping too much, too hard, or maybe need to look into different toilet paper.
if it's bleeding analogously to a shaving nick then it's really nothing to worry about the ass is resilient flesh.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 06:57:08 [Preview] No.18515 del
If there isn't much blood and it is from anus, not stool, this is hemorrhoids. It isn't very dangerous but pretty bad issue that will continue to torture you for all life because there is no proper cure, only ways to lessen the problem.

Go to doctor.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 11:43:09 [Preview] No.18517 del
For Bernds who sit on computer the whole day it's probably hemorrhoids. Especially if it's infrequent and lasts for a day or two.

If it's constant there's a possibility it's ass cancer. Go to see doctor before it's too late. Totalbiscuit didn't for 1 year and see what happened.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 13:17:50 [Preview] No.18518 del
>If it's constant there's a possibility it's ass cancer. Go to see doctor before it's too late. Totalbiscuit didn't for 1 year and see what happened.

It depends of what part of body bleeds as far as I know. If it goes from visible/palpable hemorrhoids from surface, it is relatively ok, if it is internal bleeding, it is something very bad. Maybe not cancer, but nothing good surely.

Any internal bleeding is bad.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 15:54:19 [Preview] No.18520 del
Fistulae are another possibilities which one can get from lots of sitting. Especially in warm weather and the person is fat. But they wouldn't be a problem only at shittings.

Blood can be a sign of other mechanical injuries but I hope we can cross this one out. Please, Bernds, don't shove objects up into your rectum. It's bad for your body, your mind and your soul.
Inflammation of the bowels can also cause bleeding. And the sources of inflammation are numerous. Even certain food allergy can cause this, don't need to assume cancer right at the beginning.
First and foremost OP should confirm if he wipes with too coarse paper or too vigorously.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 15:56:39 [Preview] No.18521 del
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Back on 8/kc an Ameribernd posted his transcript on ass issues. I might as well repost it.

''A medieval cure for prolapse from "Treatises of fistula in ano : haemorrhoids, and clysters", which is a book dedicated to afflictions of the ass as well as infected lower back cysts resulting from excessive horse riding (fistulae) by the great surgeon John Arderne:

Section 1 of 5

17. Agaynȝ goyng out of þe lure: If vertu and age suffre be þer fyrst y-done fleobotomy of þe vtter sophene of þe legge; Afterward be þer done suffumigacion or fomentacion of gaƚƚ, or of þe rynde of a grene oke or dry; of þe rynde of pome-granate þat is called psidia, and of þe floureȝ of granate þat ar called balaustia; of þe rote of camfery decocte in rayne watre. And if it be in somer þise may be added to, or elleȝ by þam selfe: verueyne, moleyne, plantane, gawel,*. [myrrha] psillium, iuyse of coriandre, barberry, porcelane, bursa pastoris, rede rose, tanesey, wormode, horsmynt, and sich oþer stiptikeȝ.

Against prolapse: If virtue and age suffer, then a phlebotomy of the the small saphenous vein of the leg should be done. Afterward, perform suffumigation or fomentation of the wound with gall, or the rind of a green oak, or dry; with pomegranate rind, wild pomegranate flowers; with comfrey root decocted in rain water (note: essence of comfrey root). If it is summer time the following ingredients may be added too, or else by themselves: vervain, melon(? probably wrong), plantain, kale, myrrh, coriander juice, cowrie shell, shepherd's purse, red rose, tansy, wormwood, horsemint, and other such medicinal ingredients which inhibit bleeding.''

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 15:58:15 [Preview] No.18522 del
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Huh, I dun goofed of the italicization of the text.

2 of 5

Of þise of which þou may haue best make ane hote fomentyng with rayne or rynnyng watre, vinegre added þerto; And after þe fomentyng be sprenkled aboue puluis of bole, of sanguis draconis, of herteȝ horne combuste, bark-duste, psidie, balaustie, mumme and sich like.


Make those of the aforementioned ingredients which you have exceedingly hot, fomenting with rain or running water mixed with vinegar; and after the fomenting sprinkle this concoction over powder of Armenian bole, of dragon's blood, of burned heart horn (? No clue, certainly wrong), bark dust, pomegranate rind, pomegranate flower, mumme (A substance taken from embalmed corpses, used in the preparation of medicines) and such stuff.

3 of 5

Afterward, if it may be done on any maner, be þe longaon putte into his place, and be it fast bondyn with warlyneȝ*. [ligetur cum cautela.] þat it go noȝt out. Also agaynȝ goyng out of þe lure be it fomented with watre of decoction of cauleȝ, and after anoynt it with aloe and vnguentum vetus broken togidre.


Afterward, if possible, put the rectum into its proper place and quickly bind it with caution so that it does not come out again. Also, to prevent it from going out of the anus, foment it with essence of kale, and then anoint it with aloe and and unguentum vetus (old oil?) broken together.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 15:59:23 [Preview] No.18523 del
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Much better.

Parts 4 and 5 of 5

Also agaynȝ þe goyng out of þe lure, chaufe or make hote apostolicon; which chaufed, be longaon touched with it, and alsone it schal entre agayn.


Also against going out of the anus, chafe or heat apostle's ointment (an antiseptic). When prepared, touch the rectum with it, and as one it shall enter again.

If it be nede do it oftymeȝ when it goþ out; Afterward be it bathed in watre of plantane, of porreȝ, of peritory, or of peritorye*. [sed solius parieturiæ] alon. With þis medicyne was kyng henry of ynglond cured of þe goyng out of þe lure.


If necessary do it again (?) when it comes out; afterward bathe it in water of plantain, of Allium porrum (leek), of lichwort, or of lichwort alone. King Henry of England was cured of prolapse with this medicine. (Probably referring to Henry IV)

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 15:59:38 [Preview] No.18524 del
That's it.

Bernd 08/16/2018 (Thu) 22:30:53 [Preview] No.18528 del
I just couldn't resist

Bernd 08/17/2018 (Fri) 05:22:48 [Preview] No.18531 del
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Your lack of restraint is our gain.

Bernd 08/17/2018 (Fri) 19:31:21 [Preview] No.18542 del
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fucking ebin m8 xDDDD :DDDDDDD

Bernd 08/17/2018 (Fri) 19:31:21 [Preview] No.18543 del
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fucking ebin m8 xDDDD :DDDDDDD

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