I have recently switched from Cool Ranch Doritos™ to Salsa Verde Flavor™. The following is my reasoning:
When I was five my father used to rub Ajax household cleaner all over my tender scalp and whip me with a piece of blue extension cord. All the day, from sun up until sun down, he would rant about the Jews, their evil ways, the dark stranglehold they held over the Western world. It was quite vexing and my childhood was turbulent, to say the least. My only consolation was my favorite snack, Cool Ranch™ Doritos Brand™ Corn Chips™.
However, in the last couple of years, the temperature of the Ranch™ in the Doritos™ has noticeably decreased. Yes, that's right, you heard right, Cool Ranch Doritos™ Brand Corn Chips are now 20% Cooler™.
I have therefore switched to Salsa Verde™ Doritos™ Brand Corn™ Chips™, because I cannot abide change. When I was five my mother called me "Sweet Titty Bunt Cake" and would often dress me up like a potato. I have avoided potato chips to this day. Thank you for listening.