/kc/ - Krautchan

diaspora of krautchan unite

Posting mode: Reply

Email
Subject
Comment
Password
Drawing x size canvas
File(s)

Remember to follow the rules

Max file size: 100.00 MB

Max files: 4

Max message length: 4096

Manage Board | Moderate Thread

Return | Catalog | Bottom

Expand All Images


(82.70 KB 290x392 joge.jpg)
Joge Thread Bernd 05/10/2017 (Wed) 05:24:11 [Preview] No. 6387
Got some good jokes? Bad jokes? Untranslatable ones? Post translate it here!

The Fox and the Wolf hanging out in the forest, talking.
- So boring today? We should do something.
- Let's beat the Rabbit.
- All right. What for?
- If he has a hat then because he has a hat, if he doesn't have a hat then because he doesn't have a hat.
- Sounds good, let's to this.
There comes the Rabbit.
- Look at that Rabbit! He doesn't have a hat!
So they beat him senseless.
Next day the Fox and the Wolf hanging out in the forest.
- What we're gonna do today?
- Let's beat the Rabbit.
- All right. What for?
- If he has a hat then because he has a hat, if he doesn't have a hat then because he doesn't have a hat.
- OK, let's to this.
There comes the Rabbit.
- Look at that Rabbit! He doesn't have a hat!
So they beat him senseless.
Next day, again they are talking but nothing else to do.
- So, what's gonna be?
- Let's beat the Rabbit.
- All right. What for?
- If he has a hat then because he has a hat, if he doesn't have a hat then because he doesn't have a hat.
- Nah, that's boring, figure out something else.
- All right, we ask a smoke and if he offers us one with filter then we'll beat him for that, if he offers us one without filter we'll beat him for that.
- All right, let's to this.
There comes the Rabbit.
- Hey, Rabbit, gives us a smoke.
The Rabbit takes out two packs:
- With or without filter?
- Look at that Rabbit! He doesn't have a hat!


Bernd 05/10/2017 (Wed) 06:21:48 [Preview] No. 6392 del
(35.14 KB 189x255 image.jpeg)
in which houses the french will live in 1000 years?


the same 1300yo homes


Bernd 05/10/2017 (Wed) 08:07:02 [Preview] No. 6394 del
Wolf goes through forest and sees Hare reading a book.
- Hey, Hare, what are you reading?
- Book about logic.
- Tell me about it.
- Ok. Do you have a matches?
- Yes
- So, that means you are smoking. When you smoke, you drinking?
- Yes
- When you are drunk, you fucking the Fox?
- Hmm, yes.
- So you are straight. That is logical thinking.
- Wow, cool.
Wolf goes away with new knowledge and sees the Bear:
- Hello, Bear, do you know about logical thinking?
- No, what is it?
- Ok, let's start. Do you have matches?
- No
- So you are homo faggot!


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 05:21:18 [Preview] No. 6436 del
>>6394
Oh, I know that, only with policemen and fishing.

A gypsy and his son are walking with a bike loaded with a big sack. A policeman stops them, and asks:
- You gypsy! What's in that sack?
- Only rags and litter.
- More like stolen goods. Open it!
Rags and other bits of rubbish falls out of the sack.
- You're lucky you told the truth, gypsy! - bellows the cop and leaves.
The gypsy turns to his son:
- See, my son?! That's how you steal a bike.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 07:24:44 [Preview] No. 6443 del
>>6436
We also had same joke (with gypsy and bike), but about guard and worker who stoles a wheeled cart from factory.

Soviet joke:

Napoleon and his marshal Murat watch Soviet Victory Day parade. Murat looking at marching forces, Napoleon reads "Pravda".
Battalion of infantry marches through square, Murat says:
- Oh, if we'd had one battalion of these people, we'd never lose the Waterloo!
Then tanks drive through square.
- If we'd had few these tanks, we'd never lose the Waterloo!
Then ICBM launcher appears.
- If we'd had that rocket, we'd never lose the Waterloo!
Napoleon stops reading Pravda and say:
- If we'd had this newspaper, no one would even know that we lost the Waterloo.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 07:30:37 [Preview] No. 6444 del
>>6443
>- If we'd had this newspaper, no one would even know that we lost the Waterloo.
But then it would take the Jews longer to take over England start two world wars with the goal of subduing mankind for their demonic nonsensical purposes.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 07:57:40 [Preview] No. 6445 del
(38.14 KB 292x225 brezhnev.jpg)
Also more Soviet jokes:

Belarusian SSR asked USSR officials to establish Belarusian ministry of sea transport. Government answers:
- Sorry, but why do you need it? Belarus has no sea, it is landlocked country.
- Why you need Ministry of Culture then?

Kosygin (known Soviet statesman) says to Brezhnev:
- Leonid Ilyich, I ordered to remove the Iron Curtain and open the borders
- Are you crazy? Everyone will leave, the two of us will stay.
- Sorry, but who is second?

Is Soviet regime good? Yes, it is very good, but too long.

Brezhnev officially visits Czechoslovakia, celebration begins, gun salute was arranged.
After few salvos old woman asks policeman on street:
- Sorry, why do they shoot?
- It is Brezhnev visit.
- They couldn't hit with one shot?

- What are main problems of Soviet agriculture?
- There four of them: winter, spring, summer and autumn.

Military secrecy in the world:
In France workers of one factory don't know what other factory does. In Britain personnel of one lab don't know what other lab do. In USA worker doesn't know what other workers do.
But USSR have best secrecy: here worker doesn't even know what he do.

New transuranium chemical element with half-life of 50 years is discovered. It was called kpssium.

International art fair in Paris. Picasso forgot his ticket. Security asks:
- Ok, can you prove that you are Picasso?
Picasso gets pencil and quickly draws dove of peace. Security:
- Yes, mr. Picasso, you may enter.
Soviet minister of culture also forgets his ticked. Security:
- Can you prove that you are USSR minister? Picasso was here, also forgot the ticket, but he drew painting and we allowed him to enter.
- Who is Picasso?
- Oh, sorry, mr. minister, you may enter.

Karl Marx asks Brezhnev to speak on Soviet radio. Brezhnev says:
- Sorry, but we are collective society, I can't allow it by myself, we need to ask the Party and read you speech before.
- But I would say only one phrase.
Brezhnev decides to allow it because one phrase is almost nothing. Marx takes the microphone:
- Workers of the world... forgive me!


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 08:34:33 [Preview] No. 6446 del
(45.03 KB 540x720 jofa (2).jpg)
jofa?


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 16:35:46 [Preview] No. 6460 del
>>6445
Some good ones there.

(I think I wrote this one on 8ch/kc, and you'll see it's another version of one you wrote.)
Three secret agents, an American, a Soviet and a Hungarian, are having a chat.
The American says:
- I work with my partner in the same office. He doesn't know what I do and he doesn't even care.
The Soviet reacts:
- That's nothing. I work with my partner at the same desk. He doesn't know what I do and he doesn't even care.
The Hungarian sighs:
- That's nothing. I work alone. I don't know what I do and I don't even care.

Brezhnev at the opening ceremony of the Moscow Olympic Games gives a speech.
- O
The crowd applauds.
- O
The crowd acclaims.
- O
The crowd cheers.
- O
The crowd roars.
Someone approaches Brezhnev:
- Tovarish Brezhnev, you shouldn't read all the five rings!

On 7th November someone shoots at Brezhnev from the crowd but miss. He soon gets arrested and interrogated.
- What's your job? - asks the officer.
- I'm sport shooter.
- Hehh that didn't get any good for you.
- It's not my fault. How could I shoot him with everyone's pushing me: "Shoot him! Shoot him!"


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 17:57:36 [Preview] No. 6463 del
(93.99 KB 960x698 o pai do mensalão.jpg)
Lula jokes -usually mocking his finger deficit, accent, corruption, alcoholism and meager knowledge- have been a staple of Brazilian humor since his rise in the political scene during the 90s. Just to list a few:

Lula visits Fidel Castro in Cuba. Fidel says:
- Comrade Lula, everybody's loyal to me here. Let me show you.
He calls his bodyguard.
- Take your pistol and shoot yourself in the head.
The guard immediately obeys, falling dead on the floor.
- See?
- But Fidel, my countrymen are loyal too.
They move to another room and Lula calls his bodyguard.
- Take your pistol and shoot yourself in the head.
- Fuck, it's 9AM and you're already drunk?!?

Lula and Marisa (his wife) visit a pizzeria. As the waiter brings a Margherita, he asks:
- Do you want me to split it in 6 or 8 pieces?
- Split it in 6, as I'm on a diet.

Lula is asked how much is half of 51. He responds:
- Half a bottle for both.

During a visit to the USA, Lula and Marisa rest at a five star hotel. By the late afternoon, he calls room service and says:
- TOO TEE TOO TOO TOO TOO.
Believing it to be a cryptographic message, the receptionist calls the FBI, which repeatedly fails to crack the message with the most advanced technology at their disposal. They then call the CIA, who, once arriving at the hotel, hear the same cryptic message from the phone, now in an annoyed tone:
- TOO TEE TOO TOO TOO TOO
With all attempts at decryption failing miserably, the CIA requests aid from the Brazilian embassy's official translator. Disguised as a janitor, he sneaks into Lula's bedroom to discover that he wanted to say:
- Two tea to 222.

A Brazilian died and ascended to Heaven. As he neared the gates, he saw a multitude of clocks in a wall and asked what they meant. Saint Peter answered:
- Well, every clock corresponds to a specific individual's honesty: whenever he or she lies, the pointer moves a bit. This is Mother Theresa's; it never moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's; it only moved twice.
- And where is Lula's?
- We use it as a fan.

>>6445
If there's one good thing gommunism did for this planet, it was gifting us with these precious jokes. East Germany had some good ones, too.

Is the Russian humorous tradition still lively? Are ebin jokes like these being made about Putin?


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 18:50:52 [Preview] No. 6465 del
>>6443
Tass reports:
On the Soviet-Chinese border the Chinese guards opened fire toward our peacefully working combines. Our combines returned fire and flew back to their bases.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 18:59:22 [Preview] No. 6466 del
(65.30 KB 640x480 lula3.jpg)
(107.80 KB 1024x768 lula2.jpg)
(182.74 KB 1600x740 lula1.jpg)
>>6463
>Lula

Those are fun joges. Especially the TOO TEE TOO TOO TOO TOO did it for me.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 19:29:50 [Preview] No. 6467 del
(1.24 MB 320x240 sinking.webm)


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 19:32:37 [Preview] No. 6468 del
(515.46 KB 3264x2448 20170511_221547.jpg)
(974.55 KB 3264x2448 20170511_221634.jpg)
(839.66 KB 3264x2448 20170511_221917.jpg)
>>6465
>On the Soviet-Chinese border the Chinese guards opened fire toward our peacefully working combines. Our combines returned fire and flew back to their bases.

This joke also continued by:
Director of kolhoz (farm in USSR) general Ustinov said to TASS, that if incident will be repeated, we would put tractors and modernized seeding-machines in field.

>>6463
>Is the Russian humorous tradition still lively? Are ebin jokes like these being made about Putin?

Sadly, no, it is mostly dead. There are plenty of new jokes, even sites with constant feed of them (like anekdot.ru, jokes like this called "anekdotes" in Russia), but good political joke is very rare today, I can't even remember anything now. Different time, different situation in society.

At least we had plenty of old jokes. This is book full of jokes of photo, made in 1995. Most of them aren't political though, it is full of common themes like Jews (Odessa-style), relations, nationalities (American, German and Russian walks in...) or with joke-folklore persons like Stierlitz or Chapaev.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 19:58:30 [Preview] No. 6469 del
(283.38 KB 460x4150 1210535804000.jpg)
>>6394
I have a meme version of this one saved in my old /b/ folder


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 20:06:00 [Preview] No. 6471 del
>>6469
Sometimes it feels strange that many of jokes are international and known everywhere.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 20:10:53 [Preview] No. 6472 del
>>6471
I blame the Jews.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 20:33:27 [Preview] No. 6474 del
Trying to write here a Lithuanian joke.

>Two serfs are sitting in the kitchen. No potato.

Am I doing it right?


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 20:52:22 [Preview] No. 6479 del
(886.26 KB 1909x1273 An_gorta_Mor.jpg)
>>6474
oy vey that was extremely hibernophobic


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 20:58:14 [Preview] No. 6481 del
>>6472
So, jokes about Jews:

Two Jews, father and son, decided to convert into Christianity. They argued who will go to Church first, фтв father decided to go.
When he returns, son asks:
- It was ok?
- Stop asking me, filthy kike, first tell me why did you killed the Christ?

Russian and Jew travel in train. Russian asks:
- Why you Jews are so smart? How you can do it?
- We eat fish, it is full of phosphorus, and phosphorus is very good for your brain.
- Can you sell me fish that you have?
- No, it is my dinner.
- Please, I give 5 roubles for one.
- Ok, take.
Russian bought five fishes, ate it, and decided to go to shop at nearest station. Then he returned:
- Oh, I'm a fool. There are fish for 1 rouble in shop!
- Look, - says Jew, - phosphorus already work.


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 20:58:30 [Preview] No. 6482 del
>>6481
>фтв
*and


Bernd 05/11/2017 (Thu) 21:17:59 [Preview] No. 6484 del
>>6465
There's a longer version.

Soviet media reports:
An agricultural plane was peacefully spreading fertilizer on fields at the Chinese border when a Chinese armoured division attacked. The plane immediately struck down the tanks, forcing them to retreat.
Chinese media reports:
A tractor was peacefully tilling earth at the Soviet border when a squadron of Soviet jets attacked. The tractor immediately shot down the jets.
Romanian media reports:
A conference on agricultural affairs was held on the Sino-Soviet border.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 05:17:26 [Preview] No. 6490 del
>>6479
>Two Irishmen sitting in the pub. They are starving.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 05:27:58 [Preview] No. 6491 del
>>6484
>Romanian
Speaker from the radio in Romania:
- Comrade Ceausescu gets up. You too people, get up!
...
- Now Comrade Ceausescu is doing his morning exercises. You too people do your morning exercises!
...
- Now Comrade Ceausescu is washing himself. You too people, wash yourself!
...
- Comrade Ceausescu is eating his breakfast. And now, some music.

Gypsy gives a knife to his son. Next day the boy comes home and shows his father:
- Look, Pa! I bartered the knife for a watch!
- Idiot kid! - roars to old one - And if someone insults your mother, what will you do? You say half past ten??!!


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 08:20:35 [Preview] No. 6493 del
(12.61 KB 832x172 polish-joke.png)


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 09:16:37 [Preview] No. 6494 del
(63.26 KB 514x343 x_d3260441.jpg)
>>6468
thats because the government/ideology machine is a bit less of a joke now

now the clowns are average people (bydlo or 'lehtorat like they say in belarus)


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 10:23:47 [Preview] No. 6496 del
(720.07 KB 1130x1570 kpss.jpg)
>>6494
Average people now not much different than in USSR times. Even more, modern Russia is just an direct evolution of USSR, many things are same, even our glorious leaders.

>thats because the government/ideology machine is a bit less of a joke now

It is more like very dark joke now.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 10:32:05 [Preview] No. 6497 del
>>6496
>Russia is just an direct evolution of USSR

it isn't
only if you count "taking all the worst parts and none of the good" as evolution


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 10:58:28 [Preview] No. 6498 del
>>6497
It is. If you extrapolate USSR of 70-s into 2000-s, you'll get almost same because of multiple system problems. Name and color of flag doesn't really matter.

Even Andropov already knew that and suddenly tried to fix something, but died (his plan was partially implemented though).

Evolution isn't about always being better.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 11:03:56 [Preview] No. 6499 del
>>6498
being much worse in every aspect != evolution


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 15:33:49 [Preview] No. 6506 del
>>6499
Evolution doesn't mean improvement, dumbass.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 17:15:33 [Preview] No. 6512 del
In the 1950's an old man from a village travels to Budapest to visit some relatives. He wasn't there for a long time and he has hard time to navigate through the city. He asks a policeman for help.
- Good morning, officer! Could you tell me where I can find the Széll Kálmán Square?
- That's comrade officer and there's no more Széll Kálmán Square, only Moscow Square now! And if you keep up this fascist talk I'm gonna arrest you for incitement. Now scram!
The old man goes on wandering over the streets for while, then halts another policeman.
- Good morning, comrade officer! Could you tell me where I can find the Andrássy Avenue?
- How dare you call the Stalin Street Andrássy Avenue? I'm gonna bust your ass if you don't bugger off you dirty fascist pig!
The old man walks to the Danube he sits down onto the stones then stares the river sourly. There comes a policeman.
- What are you doing, gramps?
- I'm just watching the Volga.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 18:08:02 [Preview] No. 6514 del
>>6512
in KZ commies unironically renamed whole rivers btw


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 18:17:21 [Preview] No. 6515 del
(11.21 KB 577x55 whosdumbnow.png)
>>6506
just for the record: darwinian definition is idiotic


sage Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 18:20:28 [Preview] No. 6516 del
>>6515
Still doesn't say anything about immprovement. But an idiot will have his way won't he.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 18:41:35 [Preview] No. 6517 del
>>6516
>progress != improvement

kraut logic

i bet you're thinking that Merkel is evolution of Hitler


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 18:49:51 [Preview] No. 6518 del
>>6517
Man, I knew I was talking to a piece of shit.

It doesn't say "progress" anywhere in there you dumb fucktard. Just fuck off. You're stupid so you said something stupid. Now live with it, asshole.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 18:53:25 [Preview] No. 6520 del
(15.22 KB 619x91 whosdumbnow.png)
>>6518
its just a simple truth

why are you darwinists so butthurt?


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:38:07 [Preview] No. 6521 del
>>6520
Thanks for reminding me why I quit image boards. You're IQ 80 but think of yourself as 140. You're also a lying piece of shit with no desire for truth. I'd guess you're a kike.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:40:10 [Preview] No. 6522 del
>>6520
Literally how tiny do your balls have to be to make you unable to learn anything at all?


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:42:40 [Preview] No. 6523 del
>>6522
learn what? HS program? i already did

sorry im not buying darwinist memes


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:43:39 [Preview] No. 6524 del
>>6512
Also about renaming:

Demyan Bedny (opportunistic and not very talented communist poet) writes letter to KPSS: "Dear comrades. After Revolution Petrograd was renamed to Leningrad, so I ask you to sign Pushkin poetry with my name now".


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:45:40 [Preview] No. 6525 del
(37.63 KB 500x396 evoluciya-vaz-bmw.jpg)
>>6523
Why don't you like darwinism?


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:46:58 [Preview] No. 6526 del
>>6525
because its shit


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 19:47:03 [Preview] No. 6527 del
(41.70 KB 450x338 1446083524362.jpg)
>>6517
>i bet you're thinking that Merkel is evolution of Hitler
>implying she's not


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 20:02:51 [Preview] No. 6530 del
>>6523
The text you cited simply does not sa that evolution is always an improvement. It uses words like "usually" and "complex", not "improvement" or whatever you're thinking.

You simply did not understand evolution and when corrected, you pretended to have knowlege. It's just cringy. But ok, live like that. I'm sure nothing can change you at this point.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 20:12:30 [Preview] No. 6531 del
>>6530
"let me tell you about yourself": the post

its not funny anymore


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 20:44:36 [Preview] No. 6535 del
>>6531
I'm telling you about the text you quoted and how you failed to read it.

I couldn't care less about "you" as a person.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 20:53:12 [Preview] No. 6536 del
>>6535
yeah i think you're having an autism attack

all your argumets are wrong btw, including that you think im thinking and know and what im doing

lol


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 20:57:49 [Preview] No. 6537 del
>>6536
Evolution does not mean improvement.

Wow you are a waste of time. Real charmer.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 20:59:17 [Preview] No. 6538 del
>>6536
And I don't think anything about what you think or know. And I didn't have "all arguments", I had exactly 1, and it wasn't an argument, it was an atomic fact.

So, did you drop out of school or did oligarch daddy help out?


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 21:00:34 [Preview] No. 6539 del
>>6537
yes that i learned in HS
Lamark was wrong etc lmao


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 21:02:01 [Preview] No. 6540 del
>>6539
It isn't a subject of discussion. I don't even know who Lamark is. It's just that simple, evolution does not mean improvement. There's nothing to discuss, it's a correction, not a debate.

Bye now you stupid orc.


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 21:07:07 [Preview] No. 6542 del
>>6540
>doesn't know who is lamark
(lamarck is correct)

gomedy gold
youre probably not even a darwinist then

anyway
>using biological pseudo theories as a general basis
>current year


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 22:56:47 [Preview] No. 6546 del
>le lamark was wrong meme
<evidence points at bacteria following lamarckian evolution due to their gene sharing gommunism


Bernd 05/12/2017 (Fri) 22:57:23 [Preview] No. 6547 del
>>6525
why did BMWs stop being sexy in the 90s


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 05:26:10 [Preview] No. 6550 del
>>6524
What did Mayakovsky say before he committed suicide?
"Don't shoot, Tovarish!"


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 05:29:04 [Preview] No. 6551 del
This thread is great btw. Autism always does miracles.


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 10:38:46 [Preview] No. 6557 del
>>6550
There is a joke about Mayakovsky, although it is hard to translate because it is rhymed with style. I'll try.

Mayakovsky walks away from restaurant with group of young women. They ask:
- Vladimir, can you write some verse on the move, right here?
- Easily, girls, choose the theme.
- Look, here is a sleeping drunkard who lays near road in mud.
Mayakovsky thinks for few seconds and starts to speak loudly:

Lies
Lifeless
Body
On our
Life's
Way

Suddenly voice from mud reacts:

And why do you really care?
Take you sluts and go away!

Mayakovsky:
- Girls, let's go, it is Yesenin.


(Mayakovsky really was big strong macho guy, and Yesenin was romantic drunkard who wrote about village life)


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 10:55:13 [Preview] No. 6559 del
>>6557
I feel some kind of rhythm in the joke tho. On purpose?


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 11:09:01 [Preview] No. 6562 del
>>6559
Yes. Mayakovsky words are rhymed in his known style (few words on each line, sounding as loud strong speech with force) and Yesenin words also continue this rhytm, but more like in his style.

I tried to preserve this.


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 11:10:36 [Preview] No. 6563 del
>>6562
Nice.


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 11:52:28 [Preview] No. 6568 del
>>6547
>why did BMWs stop being sexy in the 90s
>sexy
>BMW = Black Man's Willy
lol what a homo


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 11:55:55 [Preview] No. 6570 del
>>6568
I always thought it was Big Mongol Wiener but not much difference tbh


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 18:09:58 [Preview] No. 6580 del
We have a certain types of jokes we call 'Jean jokes'. Jean is an idiot butler employed by an idiot aristocrat. These are usually short and sometimes incorporate some wordplay.

- Jean, who is knocking?
- The rain, m'lord.
- Then let him in before he gets wet.

- Jean, can you drive?
- Yes, m'lord.
- Then drive this screw into the wall.

- Jean, have you watered the flowers?
- It's raining, m'lord.
- Then bring an umbrella.

- Jean, what was this big crashing noise?
- A car turned onto the backstreet, m'lord.
- So?
- There's no backstreet, m'lord.

- Jean, bring the sheet music down the cellar.
- Why, m'lord?
- I want lower voice.

- Jean, bring fresh water for the fishes.
- But they haven't even drunk what I gave them yesterday, m'lord.

- Jean, for the next week serve dinner in the castle's east wing.
- Why, m'lord?
- My dentist said I should eat on the other side for a while.

etc. etc.


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 21:16:43 [Preview] No. 6581 del
(340.61 KB 832x768 yfdxjojvuktx.png)
>>6580
is it true you guys joke about Scots all the time?


Bernd 05/13/2017 (Sat) 22:27:45 [Preview] No. 6584 del
>>6581
Looks like Belarus has no jokes at all.

I also assume that data for this image is taken from head of it's author, because there is no good way to count this.


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 00:08:10 [Preview] No. 6591 del
>>6584
lukashenka probably outlawed jokes for fear of having jokes about him being told


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 06:57:48 [Preview] No. 6594 del
>>6581
We have four groups of ethnic jokes: Gypsy, Jew, Scot, and Székely. Of course we make jokes with other nationalities but not enough to actually consider them as independent groups. Even our Romanian and Russian jokes are more like political/communist ones. All the other basically is just liek "an American, a French and a German stranded on an island, walks into a bar, flying on an airplane, etc." types.
For some reason in the mind of our folk the Scots are very niggardly people save on everything, at least this is what these Scot jokes suggest.

- Why did the Scot commit suicide?
- He heard there's a discount on coffins.

- What do a Scot do when he is cold?
- He sits closer to the candle.
- And if he is very cold?
- He lights it.

Scottish neighbours are chatting:
- I saw yesterday evening the light in your house going off and on for like hundred times.
- Oh, I just read and I figured I don't need light to turn pages.

- We should buy a curtain. - says the Scot to his wife - Our neighbour watch all the time when you take off your clothes.
- You know what?! - replies his wife - From now on you take your clothes off then he will buy a curtain.

That map actually very interesting. People usually make jokes about the cause of their stress to make it less frightening. Most conflicts are between neighbours of course and the map shows it perfectly. It seems only Bosnians and Hungarians aren't that butthurt in whole Europe.


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 07:49:28 [Preview] No. 6595 del
>>6594
And Italians are so egomanic, even their jokes are about themselves.


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 08:25:13 [Preview] No. 6596 del
>>6594
>>6594
noice. The stereotypes are half true tbh

t. scot


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 08:54:39 [Preview] No. 6598 del
>>6595
Oh yeah, I forgot to note them but I was surprised when saw the map.


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 09:15:37 [Preview] No. 6601 del
>>6596
(Please note I dunno about the actual prices.)
A Scottish colonel stops at the tire repair showing a used and tore condom to the mechanic.
- I want to galvanize this. How much?
- 10 p. But you can buy a new for a quarter quid.
The colonel leaves and comes back next day.
- I talked it through with the brigade. We want galvanization.


Bernd 05/14/2017 (Sun) 09:44:51 [Preview] No. 6603 del
>>6594
>For some reason in the mind of our folk the Scots are very niggardly people save on everything, at least this is what these Scot jokes suggest.

It is same here.


Bernd 05/16/2017 (Tue) 18:07:12 [Preview] No. 6704 del
The Székely is working in the garden, chopping wood and such and his wife is quarreling with him.
- Shut your mouth! - tells the Székely, but his wife just goes on.
- Shut you mouth or I throw the axe into you!
Of course she goes on so he throws the axe toward her. His wife evades with a sidestep and the axe hits his mother-in-law just stepping out the door. She goes down with a cry.
The Székely notes:
- Everything went better then expected.


Bernd 05/18/2017 (Thu) 16:48:13 [Preview] No. 6795 del
The Székely and his son are felling a tree. Suddenly his san says:
- Farewell, father!
- Where are you going, my son?
- Nowhere. It's just the tree falls in your direction.


Bernd 05/18/2017 (Thu) 18:44:53 [Preview] No. 6801 del
>>6704
>>6795
Are there jokes about Székely interacting with Romanians?


Bernd 05/18/2017 (Thu) 19:56:30 [Preview] No. 6810 del
(16.63 KB 480x360 szénásszekér.jpg)
>>6801
I don't know one. I'll look it up. In the meantime:
The Székely and his son are traveling on a hay wagon. Suddenly a headless biker overtakes them.
- Oho.
They're traveling further and again a headless biker overtakes them.
- Oho.
They're traveling even further and again a headless biker overtakes them.
- Hey, son! - shouts the old one - Pull the scythe a bit inwards.


Bernd 05/19/2017 (Fri) 08:36:36 [Preview] No. 6817 del
(25.57 KB 904x542 1447310675830.png)



Top | Return | Catalog | Post a reply