God creates humans that he set up to fail from the get-go. Humans fail, even though god set it up that way intentionally. The first family had 2 sons, so lineal incest is the only way to populate the world. People piss off god so much that he drowns them all except for 1 family during the flood, leaving them to populate the entire world again through linear incest.
People still make him angry, so god rapes his child so she can become pregnant with child; which is also god in the flesh. God in the flesh walks around on earth for 33 years, and proclaims himself the son of himself. He then needs to sacrifice himself to himself in order to satisfy himself with his grudge against humans.
God dies, but doesn't die because he's god. I guess it's just a weekend trip. God comes back from the dead, and walks around and says some shit for 40 days, until he ascended on the day of ascension to go sit next to his own right hand until the end of time, at which time he'll come back to earth and kill everybody who doesn't believe this story.